He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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