I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
