my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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