i think my tv is drunk
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
