Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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