There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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