My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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