I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
