Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
