Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
