I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
