It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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