btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
