Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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