I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I understand Curling. That high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
