Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
