Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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