my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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