Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
