i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
