he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
