your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
