I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
