woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
