and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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