hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
