Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
