I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
