I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
