i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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