Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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