i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
