Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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