he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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