What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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