Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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