Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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