It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
