So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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