Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
