when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
