she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
