my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
