I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
