If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
