You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
