Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
