Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
