I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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