you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
