im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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