i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
