you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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